You don’t know it yet but you’re on the right track. Maybe a google search brought you here, perhaps a friend mentioned the work I do, maybe a friend has done their work themselves. The good thing is that you found this and that tells me you have a lot of questions.
Normally people that have a good relationship with alcohol never ask themselves the questions that landed you here. Just know, you were meant to find this. Whether or not you need this this for yourself or a loved one, I’m grateful to help with what I’ve learned so far on my own journey.
Would you agree that we learn some of our most valuable lessons from the relationships we keep? Whether it’s from a childhood friend or our most intimate partners, we keep learning as we develop grow in these relationships. Hell, as painful as it can be much of our growth and lessons are found as we say goodbye to those relationships.
I believe we develop relationships in all areas of our lives with people AND with things. One of the most valuable relationships in my life was with alcohol. It started as a simple acquaintance which developed a budding friendship, that grew to a healthy committed marriage, then a dangerous illicit affair snuck in and finally it was topped off with an abusive toxic end. I’m going to walk you through the five stages and you can decide where you are in your current relationship with alcohol.
#1) Acquaintance: This is the stage where you can take it or leave it. You don’t think of it often but when you run into it you say hi, enjoy their company and go on with life once your done. You recognize its name when other friends talk about it but you have absolutely no emotional attachment to it at all.
#2) Friendship: You see each other a few times a week, you rely on it for comfort or celebration. You enjoy the feedback it gives you and you trust it’ll be there when you need it. You don’t need to see each other all the time but you’re available at the last minute if something comes up. You can depend on it.
#3) Marriage: You’re committed. You see each other every day and you rely on it at the end of a rough workday. You seek comfort and companionship from it, you even make sure it’s on every holiday, vacation, event or mediocre task you happen to be on. Together you’ve created a sense of identity. You don’t want to leave its side, it makes you more fun, likeable and people love seeing the two of you together. There’s not even a single photo where you don’t include each other. You’re intertwined and inseparable.
#4) The Affair: There’s something so sexy about a good secret isn’t there? Nobody knows your hiding places or meeting points, sometimes it even comes as a surprise to you. The thrill of potentially getting caught or someone seeing you is a drug, the risky behavior is exhilarating. The lies are woven together seamlessly, or so you think. You say you’ll never do it again, it’s the last time but you find yourself exactly where you left off, rosy cheeks, ruffled hair and swirling with a nasty mixture of shame and excitement. Can they smell it on you, can they see it in your eyes. Did you leave a paper trail??
#5) Toxic: You want to leave but you can’t. Every time it gets bad you give yourself space, but it always finds a way to win you back. It showers you with romantic promises of good behavior and you tell yourself you can control it. It controls you. It gaslights you. It takes over your decisions, finances, work life and messes all of it up. Your no longer seen as trustworthy, hell you don’t even trust yourself because of what it’s telling you. You can’t live without out it but how can you keep living with it. You’re not safe and you feel you have no where to go, it’s too embarrassing.
Does this resonate? Can you find where you are in your relationship? Are you ready to look at it closer? The last 3 are the most dangerous yet I can tell you from experience that there’s hope. You don’t have to wait until it’s toxic to make a change. You can reset your relationship and change the narrative at any time. There are so many resources, support groups, coaches and counsellors available to cheer you on. It’s not something you can do alone; personal experience and many failed attempts also taught me that.
By learning more about this you are already taking the first step, why stop here?
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